Hash, Live Fartlicking, Ewok Village and Taking a Holiday from the Greensand Way

In the utterly delightful romantic comedy 'The Holiday' the characters 'swap' familiar places to experience a refreshing change in a new location, meet new people, hilarious japes, romance and blah blah blah .

 I'm a BIG FAN of this film as I was doing my business banking once in Bramley and saw Cameron Diaz filming in a Red Mini. I also Like Wreck Diving and as we all know Kate Winslet is one of the last surviving passengers of the Titanic.

The Holiday Movie shot in Shere and Godalming oh..and Los Angeles

There comes a time in any runners relationship when the combination of hash and darkness cause you to stray from the familiar relationship with The Greensand Way and you find yourself inadvertantly dabbling with another runners well known trail.

This new and interesting location can lead to meeting new people, hilarious japes, romance and blah blah blah

 In this case Scrum Muffin and I got a chance to 'have a go' on the North Downs way on Monday thanks to the Guildford Hash House Harriers . As far as we know Jude Law and Kate Winslet didnt go hashing on the Greensand Way that same evening. 

We were supposed to go hashing in Portsmouth with the Portsmouth Hash House Harriers to introduce Dave and Dan to hashing but last minute Dave found a split end in his hairdo and had to be rushed for an emergency Cut , Perm Set and Blow. So Scrum Muffin and I went to the Guildford hash instead.

The North Downs way is a similar age to The Greensand Way and is longer at 156 miles running from Farnham to Canterbury (with a loop round Dover).

North Downs Way sign near Shere

The hash that evening started in the light! This was a welcome change. It was also a 'live hash' where the hare (this week Fartlick) sets off shortly before we do and lays the trail just ahead of us. Well, thats the theory anyway.Given the chaos of a 'normal' hash I could see this could end in some major oopsiwahli.

Popeye was here

Under Developed started us off in the wrong direction and we then got into our stride. It would seem that chaotic runners and a chaotic live hash actually do not combine to end in disaster but actually cancel each other out to produce a hash that 'sort of works'

 After a short bit of running I was very pleased to recognise another Type 22 Bunker marking the GHQ defence line too. My innner running nerd was happy.

A Type 22 Bunker near the North Downs Way in Shere

Running a lot in woods also means you get to run past signs for places that always have humorous names.  Shag Wood , Dogging Copse, Sexy Time Forest are all places we havent come across (fnar) yet but on this run we we did find Combe Bottom.

Claires Bottom on Coombe Bottom

We ran uphill and managed to catch some amazing views from the top just as the light was starting to fade.

Claire catching the last of the sunlight from an amazing view near Shere

Shere Sunset

As the woods got dark everything always seems larger to me. We came across a massive long stack of freshly cut logs which I couldnt resist doing some 'Smogging' in front of . I bet in daylight it looks like a pile of twigs by the path.

Lee does 'Smogging' Smile with your logs in near Shere on the North Downs Way

We also ran past a massive log cabin in the air which we can only assume was some kind of Deer Shooting hide but to me looked like the entire Ewok Village from Star Wars.

Proof the Ewoks live in Shere

The North Downs Way gets the seal of approval from Scrum Muffin

After more running in the dark (somehow we were near the back) we found the 'On Inn' sign which meant the chaos was coming to close.

End of Hash in Shere

We finished the evening by going to the White Horse in Shere. A pub made famous for having had scenes from the film 'The Holiday' filmed in it. I was very keen to place my bum where Jude Laws had been as I am a massive fan of his broad range of artistic and critically acclaimed work.
The pub also has the previous pair of Scrum Muffins running trainers mounted on the wall near the bar.

Scrum Muffins last pair of running trainers in the bar at The White Horse in Shere.

As I munched wasabi peanuts and supped my sports drink I thought about  that triumph of a movie .....Next time I'm on holiday abroad I'm going to look up the nearest Hash House Harriers club and show them how us Brits do it, I bet I meet some new people , get into hilarious japes, blah blah blah .......you get the idea.

But more worryingly I also found myself thinking about a blog called NorthDownsWay2013 .

The Greensand Way Phrasebook and Dictionary

As our training has progressed so has our own language. We thought it might be useful to translate what we are talking about. Our next few blogs will cover our 55 mile weekend so we thought this would be a good time to explain some of the words and phrases we have started using when running. As we have run the Surrey section of The Greensand Way in a strange order we have also put this phrasebook in a non alphabetical order too.

Ooopsiwahli (noun) - amalgamation of stiles, signs, fences and instructions in varying directions causing direction confusion

a potential Ooopsiwahli on the Greensand Way near Limpsfield

Reh- (noun) a moment where things are not going as well as hoped.

Reh Reh Reh (noun) The moment when Lee goes very quiet as the last of his remaining glycogen is used up and he 'hits the wall'

Smize (verb) - smiling with your eyes . An America's Next Top Model phrase. The 'Sm' has been used for smiling with other body parts too in Greensand Way Photos such as 'smack' - smiling with your back and 'smotch' - Smiling with your crotch.

Science - (noun) denotes anything battery powered that is used for communication or navigation . We usually talk about 'checking science' when we are 'unsure of our exact location'. Science never works when you need it....... And is always there to berate you when you dont need it.

Sports Drink (noun) - any high calorie high alcohol beverage - perfect for carb-loading before or after any training run. Ale, lager, champagne, Jagerbombs and Cognac all fall under this category. If you don't believe us, try it! (Please carb-load responsibly)

enjoying 'Sports Drink' at the end of a marathon run on the Greensand Way at the Wotton Hatch Pub

Tumbling Tosser (noun) - hash term for a person who has temporarily horizontally repositioned their body mid-run without necessarily planning to do so.

On On - (exclamation) - a hash term, shouted when a Greensand Way sign has been seen and we are temporarily 'sure' of our position (or "on flour").

The final Greensand Way Sign at the Haslemere end

Petrol (exclamation) - a word shouted when a vehicle approaches (another hash term).

Ding Ding (exclamation) - a word shouted when a bicycle approaches.

Donny Osmond (exclamation) - a word shouted when a 'crazy horse' approaches

A crazy horse we encountered on the Greensand Way

Get me off this godforsaken hill - self explanatory.

Vango Banshee 200 - denotes any restful high quality sleeping area

Doody - verb and noun - a situation or person associated with that which is faecal

Big Doody - see doody ...only bigger. You know big doody? Yeah, you do. YOU DO KNOW BIG DOODY.

That is some Big Doody on the Greensand Way. 

Nothing at all / Shiny Bums - tight fitting lycra clothing, made by 2XU or similar. This term inspired by Stupid Sexy Flanders in the Simpsons - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsVsHu2EEfo. Usually comes with the side effect of bum-seam-split paranoia.

Walky Pills - medication that allows you to move again. After extensive clinical trials we have found Cocodamol to be the most effective walky pills available. (Don't abuse drugs, kids.)

If in doubt its always uphill / Rule 1 of the Greensand Way - Whenever 2 path options present themselves, and you aren't sure which one is correct......the correct one for the Greensand Way is always the steeper uphill one. (If it appears to be downhill, you are probably going the wrong way)

Souvenir Stitch Up - With weight at a premium, the idea is to get souvenirs for each other that are a total nightmare to carry.

Souvenir Stitch up on the greensand way ' I got you this!'

Fnar / Fnar fnar - Said at the end of any double entendre. Can be used in place of a laugh when one is just too tired, but still wish to acknowledge this double entendre.

Shatner Pants - The very high waisted jogging warm trousers Lee wears after running to stay warm, reminiscent of the truss William Shatner is alleged to have worn in the later Star Trek movies.

'Please Remove This' - Any photo that isn't as flattering as we would like. These are generally deleted off the memory card, which is then burnt, along with the camera, and any witnesses are bribed or threatened.

Front bald spots showing, manic smile, what looks like a mad blue hat. this is a classic 'please remove this' on the Greensand Way halfway point

I'm sure we will add to this list as time goes on. Be sure to refer back to this blog from time to time as we are bound to add more, and talk less and less sense as training progresses.

If you all ask nicely enough we might do a whole blog just on 'Please Remove This' photos.... (but nobody wants to see them, right?!)

Happy Mondays - Pills 'n' Thrills and For Goodness Shakes

Not every run is some epic Greensand Way trail. Behind the scenes our group put away some serious weekday miles to build up our stamina and strength for the long runs to come. I know a lot of paths through the Busbridge woods and beyond, but any chance to mix up my weekly morning training routes is always a bonus.

It was on the Happy Monday this week that Claire suggested I run home back to Godalming with her from her workplace in Guildford so I said yes and looked forward to it all day.

To get into the mood for the day this Happy Mondays Song sprung to mind
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnBi-LNM0Og. From a classic album called Thrills n Pills and Bellyaches

 I set off at around 4.15pm from where I live near Winkworth Arboretum and ran the 2 miles down Brighton Rd past the Godalming Sign

running into Godalming from the Hascombe side of town

I had added my very powerful umbilical dive torch to my running kit so that the dark portion of our run was well lit off road. As I ran into Godalming I couldnt understand what kept swinging round to bash me until I realised my dive compass was inadvertantly attached to it as well. I put this on my wrist for safe keeping, looking like a runner with serious kit overkill.

My Dive compass always points towards Ras Mohammed in the Red Sea in Egypt

I settled into the run and crossed the canal at Farncombe Boat House intending to run to Guildford by road.

The Weyside Canal by Farncombe Boat House

It was then just a case of cruising up the A3100 on the pavement until I got to Guildford. At a pace of about 10 mins 30 seconds per mile the run quickly took me to the outskirts of Guildford.

The Outskirts of Guildford

Its funny what you notice when you are running that you dont see when you are driving at 30 mph. As I ran past the ruins of the Abbey I noticed part of the hill leading down to the road had some great tree and cave formations in it.

The Hill under the Abbey Ruins in Guildford

I arrived at Claires Office after 1 hour and 15 minutes of running about 7 miles and waited while she got changed. We set off again as the sun started to set at around 5.45pm and picked up the Weyside Canal by the ODEON Cinema.

Claire running along the Weyside Canal near the ODEON Cinema Guildford

As we got out of the city the light dropped away and I got a last chance to take an ambient light photo of the Canal at a point on the path that Claire thinks is one of the prettiest ( I agree) .

Weyside Canal Sunset near Guildford

Having run this path a few times during the day its always a surprise at how unfamiliar everything can be in dark. On the last post when we were running the Greensand Way between Dorking and Reigate we came across some WWII GHQ Pill Boxes and we knew there were also 2 examples on this run so we stopped to have a look at one of them about halfway between Guildford and Godalming.

WWII Type 22 GHQ Pill Box Sign

Claire with a Type 22 Pill Box that made up part of the GHQ Defence line

Around this part of the run I had a major 'Shaun Ryder' moment in true Happy Mondays style. I started feeling very sweaty and wobbly and a little unwell. I put it down to low blood sugar but later that evening I got a rather brutal cold (about halfway through a Ukejam night when I was going to stand up and sing one of the songs).

The rest of the run was a bit of a slog for me as I didnt feel at my best .This is when running with someone else really helps and Claire gave me lots of verbal and physical abuse to keep me running.

When we finally burst out into the bright lights of Godalming by the Bell and Dragon I was quite relieved the run was nearing its end. A final burst of energy was needed to get up all the steps leading back into Busbridge and I was back at Claires house with a Chocolate For Goodness Shakes bottle in my hand and a posh continental biscuit . The total run for me was 13.4 miles (just over a half marathon) and about 6 miles for Claire. I then wobbled off home like Bez.

The Bell and Dragon in Godalming at night.

I enjoyed the run for lots of reasons, I usually run in the morning and on my own during the week and usually off road in the woods so everything about this run was a nice change. I dont normally run this far during the week either so I was pleased with the mileage. Hopefully there will be other chances to run home from work with Claire and I may take some time to find some other off road paths we can run instead in the future.

Pork Scratching Dust , Dolphins, World War 2 Secret Bunkers and Hairy Fishnet Armpits

Lower Expectation to Prevent Disappointment


When you look at the Ordnance Survey map for the Greensand Way between Dorking and Reigate it looks...........frankly..........pants.

No epic hills, no interesting features and what looks like an urban run through a busy town.

I was hoping today wouldn't be a big steaming pile of doody on the Greensand Way

After last weeks epic run through amazing hills, towers, temples and waterfalls and having woken up Saturday to drizzle I was mentally ready for a dull days running.

I was wrong.

Dorking to Reigate Map 7 of the Greensand Way

Comfort Break

We parked up at the foot of the Nower where we left off last week. Its important on long runs to take any opportunity to take a 'wee break' where you can. This opportunity presented itself in Nower Rd so We took it.


What ?! No Toilet Roll

There's No Place Like Home

Just like Dorothy In the Wizard of Oz Claire had NEW TRAINERS on today. A very fetching pair of off road Ruby Red Shoes. Its possible that if you click the heals together and say "there's no place like home" three times you get transported back to Haslemere......


Leave the City Behind

After some very poorly signposted running through town and over a hill we ran through a tunnel under the railway and out into open rolling countryside. Much more like the Greensand Way we have come to know.

Jump For Joy ! on the Greensand Way near Brockham

World War 2 GHQ Bunkers

As we ran through Brockham we found 3 different GHQ Bunkers on the waterways near the Dolphin Pub. These were set up in World War 2 in case of a German invasion as a last stand barrier to protect London (GHQ stands for General Head Quarters). Around 20,000 of these obstructions and light gun implacements were built in strategic places running from the Kent all along the south coast to Somerset. We found 3 of the machine gun style bunkers. Most are by key waterways or bridges that an invading army heading for London would need to cross.

Type 22 Pill Box in Brockham on the Greensand Way

Inside they are rather dank and creepy and full of empty beer cans. One of the ones we looked up had been deliberately blocked up.

Looking into the Bunker at Brockham on the Greensand Way

Getting out of the bunker is harder for normal sized people

Pork Scratching Dust

Fed up with sweet jelly babies on our runs Claire and I have been experimenting with alternate running snacks. Last week we reduced Jaffa cakes to a crumbly mass with small orange gooey disks inside a cardboard tube so this week I opted for a savoury option ....Pork Scratchings! I love them and they are packed with carbs, protein and fat for energy. As we ran on past Brockham I really fancied some. I think the salt craving comes from all the salt lost in sweating.


I opened the pack to find nothing but a fine pig dust. The running had totally disintegrated them. I tried eating the porky dust but my body went into shock and i had to drink about half a litre of water to combat the salt shock. It felt like I had drunk Seawater. Ill mark this up to another snack disaster. Next week we are trying Doritos.....or Dustritos.......

Pork Dust

Bird Feeders and Windmills

I'm a regular Greensand Way Sign spotter nerd so I was amused to see this sign converted into a bird feeder at a small cottage as we ran towards Reigate Heath.

Greensand Way Sign with bird feeders

As you get closer towards the Golf Course at Reigate Heath you can see the windmill in the distance.

The Windmill at Reigate Heath marking the Golf Course on the Greensand Way

When we got to the Golf Course Club House (our halfway point for a 14 mile run return run) we found convenient signs marking our arrival.

Lady Captain

El Presidente

The Return Route

After a traditional 'exposed hill top cold windy snack break' to leave us cold and stiff we started the run back. It was a good chance to look back on what we had learned today as I continued to cough up Pig Dust through my nose.

Snowdrops on the Greensand Way

We have both noticed that in the past a 14 mile run like the run to Gibbet Hill the first time was an EPIC RUN and now 14 miles is..........just 14 miles. I'm starting to get pain in my hips and bum from what I think is carrying weight in a badly fitting rucksack and so its time to consider buying the Osprey rucksack I have my eye on before next weekends first 'off road Greensand way marathon'

When we got back to the van Claire was all smug that she had a Chocolate flavour recovery drink (these "For Goodness Shakes" are really good after a long run for stopping the delayed fatigue you get a few hours after).

SHOCKOLATE gives you ABS !

I could only get my hands on yukky vanilla and so in protest waved my hairy fishnet armpit in full reckless view.

Hairy Fishnet Armpit

Next weekend is our first off road marathon and the weekend after is our first 2 day running event covering 55 miles (Half !) of the Greensand Way and with an overnight camping stop in tents. We also have some exciting news coming soon about a fourth member joining the group......

Photogenic on the Greensand Way

Hash, Flour Power, Bunny Costumes and My Little Pecker

Monday night this week was the first time I got to lead the Hash with the Guildford Hash House Harriers. As the 'Hare' I got to pick my own route for the run. I chose the woods nearest to me because I know them so well.

I set off at 5pm from my house with 6kgs of flour in my rucksack and ran from my house to Hydons Ball where the route i was planning would run.

laying a circle in flour means runners must seek out the correct path from this point

I ran up Hydons Ball with flour in hand getting funny looks from people as I laid small piles of flour at convenient spaces all along my intended route.

As well as laying marks for the route you lay circles at various crossings of paths with multiple options. In doing this the front running bastards (fast runners) have to run down all of the possible routes for a distance until they find the next flour marker and shout 'On On' ! This also gives the knitting circle (slow runners) the chance to catch up so the group as a whole stays fairly close together during the run.

X marks the spot where youve been stitched up

You can also be a sadistic Hare and run people up a very steep hill only to find and X at the top denoting a false trail. This means they have to run all the way back and try again.....and yes....I did this.




Smearsing (smiling with my ears)


The sun set while I laid the trail which totalled 4.5 miles which is the recommended distance for a hash. I had my headphones in and had a great time running out the trail. When I finished back where I started at the car park at Hydons Ball I ran down to the Merry Harriers Pub in Hambledon where all the hashers would be meeting at 7.30 pm. I had 45 minutes spare when I got there so in true hashing spirit I relaxed with a nice Pint of Pilgrim and chatted to the locals with a pink bunny tail pinned on my bum and bunny ears on my head.

The Merry Harriers is a really lovely, friendly country pub in Hambledon and well worth a visit. Its a rare gem that balances good beer and great food but avoids the 'Surrey prices' . Its also got its portrait in the Tate Gallery in London! They are quiet on a Monday and usually take the chance for a well earned rest and shut early but they were willing to stay open just for us.

The Hash went well and I couldnt resist making part of the route along the Greensand Way . Scrum Muffin (Claire) and I got a great pic of us at one of the Greensand Way Markers .

Greensand Way Night Hashing

As the run came to the end and we got back near the pub the traditional 'On Inn' mark I had left near the pub had been butchered by Popeye. This seems to happen on a lot on hashes. Although the hash went well and no one got killed/lost/injured I learnt that I needed to leave longer gaps from the circles so that it took more time for the front running bastards to find stuff so that the group stayed together more. In total I had run 11 miles setting the trail , running the hash and running from my house.

As I had my suspicions about a potential naming ceremony I made sure I dumped ALL of my flour before I finished.

An anchor means 'Popeye Woz Ere'

In the Car Park at the end of the run we had the usual end of run 'huddle' . As various people started asking me if I had any flour left I wisely put my phone and camera in my bag and prepared myself for a 'naming'




Pancake day comes one day early

I was deeply touched that the hashers had spent so many weeks thinking about my potential name. It shows in what high regard they must hold me. Unfortunately for me they had brought plently of extra flour. Most hashing names are rude and loosely relevant to the person, for example a lady that works in customer services is called Satisfaction Guaranteed or Claires dad is a lawyer and called Loose Article.
The options considered included 'turned out nice again' because I play the banjolele and am a window cleaner, 'cock' because I keep chickens, ' Oh Bee - Have' because I keep Honeybees but based on my 'microbiology' degree (actually I am a molecular biologist!) and the fact that I keep chickens and found a parrot on a hash once they decided on my hash name as.....

LITTLE PECKER

Arise 'Little Pecker' (complete with pink bunny tail)

When naming all the women hashers get to pour beer and flour over the named persons head. I can tell you that once this 'batter' sets it takes A LOT of washes to get it out. I also had to down beer for being the Hare AND for being named. By the time I got home I was very drunk.

Battered

It was great to get named. I really feel like part of the club now, especially as I have now led a hash too. I got named at the place where I did my first ever hash run and also got to do it on a night when we ran part of the Greensand Way.

I hear Dave is joining The Hash House Harriers near him in Portsmouth soon.... Cant wait to see what name he gets !



On On !


Little Pecker

:)